as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
