Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
