I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
