why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
