spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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