I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
