Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
