OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
