If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
