I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
