he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
