woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
