I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
