so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
