Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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