my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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