Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
