Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
