Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
should my penis look like a turkey
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
