Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
