her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
