five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
