it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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