No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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