i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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