office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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