Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
