do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
