it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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