Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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