You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how does that bad decision feel?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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