How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
