oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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