omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
