I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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