Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
