she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
