Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry my hands just texted you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
