When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
