just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
