That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
