GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
