dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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