Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
