I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
