I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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