My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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