either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
