that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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