I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
