i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
