I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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